Randomdce’s random rants

Randomdce: Fanhater, Yes man.

For this article, I don’t think there will be an overarcing concept because I have already talked about reviewer’s ADHD, we’ve already talked about randomdce’s past history including his need to insult other more popular reviewers, him being a hypocrite and of course his lazyiness in both reviews and ethics (including reviews that just have a picture 3/5 displayed for 11 seconds).

Now for updates, Randomdce is now doing Reaction and reviews, a “highly original” concept that is so original, the acronyms for it are used by Eric Gaede and Emer Prevost to mean two different things. I don’t even get why they’d be friends if they’re just going to steal shit from each other. Is RAR a really freaking revolutionary acronym they must use? Is there a patent pending?

I digress, just like Emer Prevost’s RAR’s they contain no footage, consist of randomly allocated reactions (though I haven’t checked if they actually align with events in the movie, though considering if its anything like how Emer does it, it probably doesn’t) and is so interesting it barely gets any viewers. Before anyone asks, no I’m not going to do another Reaction and Review video piece by piece because we just did that last article so maybe some other article. Instead I’m gonna take a look at something we didn’t take a look at last time we saw Randomdce’s work. His deviantart “reviews” are a special kind of lazy.

Recently Randomdce has been providing E3 coverage, because obviously people care enough to hear the words of someone who isn’t really a gaming fan and doesn’t even know comic books or video games well enough to… hey wait second I see and smell an upcoming train wreck. This is going to be funny… and tragically hilarious.

http://randomdc3.deviantart.com/art/522-Barrel-Rolled-into-a-Brick-Wall-540277993?q=gallery%3ARandomDC3%2F40719320&qo=6

“1 – Star Fox Zero.
WHAT FUCKING TOOK YOU SO LONG!!??

*clears throat* Umm, yes sorry about that. I think it’s safe to say the days of Adventures/Assault and its ground combat are over. Being able to transform into a walker does harcon back to an idea from the cancelled StarFox 2 and having the Landmaster fly looks fun. I do hope it’s not just StarFox64 again but rather tries out a new take with StarFox. I’m not completely sold on the 2 screen gameplay but maybe it won’t feel so alien when I try it out first hand.

So it’s a basic reboot to the franchise…. I guess people will be happy that Krystal is no longer cannon.”

So let me get this straight… the days of ground combat are over, but the walker vehicle which was made for ground combat has just been announced and the tank is still a tank…? I don’t know what to make of this, if I wasn’t so sure that Randomdce wasn’t a gamer, I would almost be convinced he was being sarcastic. This is like writing “The gunplay in borderlands has been removed, instead they’ve added thousands of new guns with different handling and firepower”.

If its going to contain ground combat like starfox assault or new features than its not “a basic reboot to the franchise”. Just like the previous complaint I find that randomdce does not know definitions. In addition “I do hope it’s not just StarFox64 again but rather tries out a new take” is hilarious when you consider that he just mentioned a dual screen feature and looking it up on Wikipedia would tell you there’s a new helicopter and vehicles now transform… I’m pretty sure Randomdce that starfox zero won’t be starfox 64.

Perhaps the only good thing I have to say about this portion of his rant is that he did admit it was opinion (but unfortunately this is not a mitigating factor because everything is an opinion, you must try to be objective even though you can never truly succeed) and that people will be happy about Krystal not being in the game as while some of the fanbase likes her, the other does not.

“From here…. The conference Barrel Rolled into a brick wall.”

Oh really? I can’t wait to see why.

“2 – Donkey Kong and Bowser show up in Skylanders: Super Chargers.
Really sad the only major collab Nintendo are doing is with Activision, and its Skylanders tripe. I really don’t understand this Amiibo or Skylanders craze and I have been advised by my friends to avoid them like the plague.”

How exactly is this sad? Nintendo doesn’t really do collaborations (and no, adding a character or two to smash bros doesn’t count). Many companies don’t do collab projects, mostly because its risky, and you have to split the profits. It’s better to just buy out someone or hire them than to work together. If this is sad, then every other corporation in gaming is also by extension sad.

“3 – Triforce Heroes.
Really not interested.”

Nice commentary. I mean wow, this is an E3 cap and it has equal effort to polygon’s “video games are stupid of course” article. I would praise randomdce for putting just as much effort as mainstream media but that’s not really an accomplishment.

“4 – Hyrule Warriors 3DS.
If my Wii U plans don’t work out. I’ll pick this up.”

Are you seriously going to write one sentence for each game… you can’t call this a recap if you’re not going to actually comment on anything. I mean you drew a picture and everything for this piece of shit v-log in written format. This is twitter levels of insight. Is there a character cap on deviant art or something? Why bother with these E3 recaps when no one will care if you have nothing to say about the games aside from like 1 game out of 9+ and if anything you lose credibility by doing shit like this. You either put in effort or don’t bother.

“5 – Metroid Prime: Federation Force.

…. Wow.

If you look at the like/dislike bar on YT for this video…. Jesus.”

Yup he’s just going to keep not writing anything really insightful about the games at E3 by Nintendo. I’m just gonna move on to his other E3 recaps.

http://randomdc3.deviantart.com/art/523-Relic-Hunting-540464603

“Finally, we come to Sony.

80% of their fanbase consists of drooling idiots who blindly follow what Sony shits out every year, and honestly believe Sony are perfect and incapable of doing no wrong. Yes, they’re more delusional than Nintendo’s fanbase, at least they’ll acknowledge the Mario movie and the CD-I Zelda games.
“

Yay fanhating. I’m glad to see Randomdce has not changed in the several months if not years that passed between the last article I wrote on him and now. I just find static characters so appealing, you could say Randomdce’s character is cardboard and 2D and I wouldn’t say that’d be overly critical; I’d actually say that’d be accurate.

“I tend to notice a pattern every year with E3, or it tends to run off of a fairly typical run sheet.

“SONY BEATS MICROSOFT AND WE’LL IGNORE NINTENDO’S BULLSHIT!!”

Well, I’ve found all the conferences to be utter pigshit as a whole so far, can’t see how these blithering idiots will be any different.”

Okay full stop. Let me renact randomdce’s commentary on E3 conferences and see if this counts as “E3 hosts being blithering idiots”.
*list game… then immediately say you don’t care*
Xenoblade Chronicles, one of the best JRPGs, was on the last list I just covered and randomdce just glossed over it with “I’m not interested”. How the fuck is E3 consist of “blithering idiots” when you don’t know or don’t care about any of the games that get revealed there? I get the feeling randomdce doesn’t even play games especially since a recurring trend with people featured on this blog is pretending to be apart of a fanbase one is actually not apart of. Last article we saw randomdce wasn’t a comic book fan so I’m guessing this article we’ll see randomdce isn’t gaming fan. Here’s hoping he proves me wrong.

“To save some time on these little text marathons this year, I’m going to be stripping away the fat and get these down to their bare bones. So the following won’t be talked about.

1 – Useless tech specs/sales figures/non game related news. However I will make an exception in places.

2 – Cinematic teaser trailers are excluded from the summary. For they tell me next to nothing about the final product.

Considering this is Square, I doubt I’ll see any gameplay.

3 – Ignoring all of the “here’s a person in a suit” moments. Since they tell me fuck all about games.

For Sony especially, I’ve added a forth rule.

4 – All of the moments of Sony sucking their own dicks will be ignored.”

So essentially, you’re not going to make any chances to your current format? Is that a yes randomdce?

“Again, this will all be opinion based.”

Oh okay so that was a yes; this is going to suck.

“1 – The Last Guardian.
Looks good and all, but what is this about exactly? Some Buddha kid and Dogzilla pissing about in ruins?”

Oh what’s this, an E3 recap written by a dumbass who can’t do any research or a freaking glance at the actual material? Just to let people know, this game will be similar to Shadow of Collosus, you know the game where you climbed giant fucking monsters and stabbed them to death? The game that was considered a thematic masterpiece? If you don’t understand than you’re probably randomdce

“2 – Horizon: Zero Dawn.
So, Metal Gear Assassin’s Arkham Uncharted?

I’m starting to see what Razorfist means by how all these “new IP’s” are actually old games with a facelift.”

Ah I see, Horizon: Zero dawn is a sequel to Metal Gear, Assasins Creed, Batman Arkham asylum and Uncharted… because you control a character from a third person perspective? I don’t even understand what the thought process here is. If you want to be negative, you still have to explain yourself. This isn’t even opinions anymore this is just being contrarian. The idea that a game is not unique or not deserving of existing because it borrows concepts from multiple games is ridiculous. If this is the case than every game is not worth playing because they were coded using a programing language. For the record, direct plagiarism isn’t okay but a game can have similar themes without committing plagiarism. I’m totally convinced that randomdce is not a gamer.

“3 – Street Fighter V.
Always glad to see England more love, and to get Cammy Toe in HD.

…. I think I have issues. Plus Ryu being in Smash can fill my SF fix for now.”

Uh… ewwww.

“4 – No Mans Sky.
Space shooters are always fun. Still, Starfox Zero can fill that need for me so I’ll pass on this.”

Yup, randomdce is not a gamer. No mans sky is a open world, free-flight space/ground simulator. Similar to a game like parkan 1 or 2 or freelancer (though freelancer has no ground combat). How you can say that starfox, a game with on rails flight more similar to an arcade game than a simulator is a substitute for this possibly ground breaking game is beyond me. I mean we are currently in the era where kickstarter projects to get games like Elite Dangerous, Star Citizen and other open world space flight simulators get millions of dollars from the public to get funded and THERE’s STILL a craving for more open world space flight simulators. People want games like freespace 2 back but they still haven’t gotten them, how is this not interesting to you randomdce?

“5 – Dreams.
Looks fun but I have Minecraft.

6 – Fire Watch.
Ehhh, getting Slender: The Arrival flashbacks.

7 – Destiny: The Taken King.
I’ll stick with Halo thanks.”

Ah the insightful commentary is back. I know what an E3 recap needs, constant references to other games that have nothing to do with the subject. Also isn’t Destiny a cross platform game? Why would you cover this in Sony?

“8 – Revolver Studious.
It’s sad when these new ideas didn’t nearly get the same reaction as Square digging up an ancient turd like FF7. That kinda says everything about the games industry doesn’t it?”

Revolver Studious… Revolver studious… *google search… finds nothing*. Great Randomdce has gone so random that I literally have no idea what he’s talking about or whether or not he’s had a brain aneurysm. I think this is a textbook definition of ‘too far up one’s own ass’. I would care about the FF7 fanhating but quite literally I don’t even understand what prompted this comment or even what it means in relation to ‘Revolver studious’. I don’t think this just a typo for Revolver Studios either because that brings up nothing too. How do you write an E3 recap where one of the items you review isn’t on the list and you have to do the review by bringing up pointless insults to people who aren’t even related? Was it more important to insult a fanbase than actually be coherent?

“Shenmue 3 gets a free pass from me, only because the series creator was cockblocked by Sega and he just wants to finish his story. FF7 can die in a fire and take its lunatic fanbase with it”

Okay so it really WAS more important to insult fanbases than actually talk about sony because Shenmue 3 isn’t a sony game and FF7 has absolutely nothing to do with Shenmue.

“*shots fired*”

Nice shooting Randomdce! You shot yourself like 30 times! I’m not calling the ambulance and its not because I don’t want to but because they haven’t finished construction on their new psychiatric ward for maniacs like you.

“9 – Batman: Arkham Knight.

Glad they confirmed Joker’s dead and he ain’t coming back…. Or did they?

*X-Files theme*

No, he’s dead. Moving on.

Aaaaaaaaaaand I’m getting worrying signs by the Arkham series introducing fps mechanics. Granted it’s DLC but still, fuck that noise.”

The real reason why the X-Files theme is playing is because not even super geniuses can explain why randomdce wrote these E3 recaps

“10 – Call of Duty Black Ops III
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AibtyC…

Yeah, that will serve for my commentary on COD”

Randomdce just implicitedly told call of duty to go ‘die in a fire’… why do I get the feeling he’s going to play it anyway especially when he’s citing a overused horror franchise that’s getting milked just as badly as call of duty?

“11 – Disney Infinity 3.0
Eh, still not sold on this Skylanders knock off.

12 – Star Wars Battlefront.
I refer you to what I said in the EA summary.”

I will not be bothering to look at the EA summary because Mr.Kill has given my a good protip:
Mr.Kill’s protip: RANDOMDCE HATES EVERYTHING

“13 – Uncharted 4.
Not interested. However I got a chuckle over the technical hiccups. Yes I am that petty tbh.”

At least we’re on the same page… I’m refering to the petty part not the hate all gamers part.

“Just so you understand my zero enthusiasm for FF7, Shenmue 3 and Uncharted 4 is because I have no experience with any of them” – Randomdce 2015

Then you have much credibility as mobile gamers when it comes to E3. I mean you haven’t played or even considered how important FF7, Shemue or Uncharted are to both the industry and the genre? Why even fucking cover games then? Why not just take a picture of your dick and post that? These recaps are freaking egotistical and exist only to serve your ego and it doesn’t help that you frequently frequently target fanbases in these recaps for no other reason thant because you just enjoy hating on people who have never done a thing to you. You have no experience with a major JRPG game like FF7? None? You have never played a story driven experience like Shenmue? Never? How about a third person shooter with le parkour elements like uncharted? Oh wait you admit to not playing that either! What’s the fucking point of talking about E3 or video games when you clearly don’t care about them?